Berlusconi fucks own forehead in fresh political storm.

Primo Silvio pictured in the company of the forehead. Berlusconi is accused of paying his forehead for sex, whilst it is also suspected that the forehead is under-age.

The political temperature in Italy rose from an already steamy caldo to a searing scorcio today, with  Primo Berlusconi desperately fighting off fresh allegations over his private life. After recent controversy due to his alleged sexual relationship with Moroccan stunnah Ruby Mubarak  El-Manroug, media-mogul-come-presidente Silvio now stands accused of having sex with his own forehead.

The incident is said to have occurred  in the midst of one of Berlusconi’s infamous “bunga bunga” parties, with witnesses reporting the premier making suggestive comments to the forehead by the pool, before taking some poppers and moving into a bedroom to “sort out some private business”. It is thought that the forehead received somewhere in the region of €3,000 for services rendered.

When probed by reporters, the forehead rejected the allegations that the relationship was of a sexual nature.

“Berlusconi is a great man”, the premier’s forehead insisted, “his gift of €3,000 was simply due to his deep care for me and his concern at my personal situation. I reject absolutely the allegations that sex was involved.”

There is further concern that Berlusconi used his influence to secure the release of the forehead from police custody, after it was detained by officers under suspicion of theft. Officers say that CCTV shows Mr. Berlusconi’s forehead entering a 24hour convenience store in the early hours of the morning, before attempting to walk out with a bottle of Lambrini, a packet of deep-heat condoms, two pornographic magazines and a bottle of cheap aftershave. Mr Berlusconi apparently phoned the police station in which the forehead was being held and used his political weight to secure its release. The Prime Minister allegedly told the officers that charging the forehead would result in a “major diplomatic crisis”.

“Do you have any idea whose fucking forehead that is, you motherfuckers?”, Berlusconi is reported as saying. “It’s fucking mine, that’s whose. If you don’t release it I’ll drive over and fuck you all. God is a pig.”

If it is proven that Berlusconi paid his forehead for sex, the Prime Minister could face a prison sentence of up to six years, after it emerged that the forehead was under the legal age of consent.

“People have been wondering for a long time how such an old man has such a young looking forehead”, explained Italian gossip columnist Culetta Bocchina. “A lot of people suspect that Mr Berlusconi has had surgery, which, consequently, means that his forehead is likely to be under age.”

These allegations were confirmed by a plastic surgeon, who wished to remain anonymous.

“I replaced Berlusconi’s forehead four years ago,” the surgeon claimed. “If the allegations of sex are true, then the forehead is indeed under-age. Paying for sex with a four-year-old forehead is disgusting.”

Berlusconi himself admits to having had surgery around his eyes, but denies that any more extensive work had been done.

Yet many argue that Mr Berlusconi’s forehead is clearly not 74 years old, as the Prime Minister claims . Il Figlio newspaper has previously described the premier’s appearance as “half-way between a old cardinal’s scrotum and a new-born baby”.

Support for the Prime Minister remains strong in some quarters, however. Many Italians continue to see their leader’s sex life as positive, and respect Berlusconi’s possession of a properly functioning octogenarian penis. The premier’s ability to attract such a young forehead is as much a cause of envy as outrage, with many people saying that if they could attract such a bella fica of a forehead, they’d probably fuck it too.

Berlusconi’s lawyer, Ingannamorte con Soldi, firmly rejected all allegations, saying that it was just  “the usual story of left leaning magistrates out to get him. If they think that we are going to appear in this sham trial, we have just one thing to say: Vaffanculo a Lei, la sua moglie, e’ la sua madre. Lei e’ un cafone stronzo. Io non mangio in questo merdaio! Vada via in culo!” (meaning, “You, sir, go fuck yourself–and your wife and your mother. You are a common turd! I’m not going to eat in this shithouse. Fuck you!”).

Italian correspondant,

Massimo D’Allema,

The Brass Horn

---